He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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