S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
