I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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