i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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