well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
