Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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