ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
