I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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