just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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