So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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