dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
