Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
