I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize