I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
