I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
two words...techno handjob
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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