Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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