i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize