do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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