I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
