He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
