Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
