So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
