if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
