After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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