Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
