then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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