This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize