Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
