I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
