Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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