They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
