it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
