she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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