i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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