I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
