I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
