Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
