I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just had sex on a roof
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
