Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
