he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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