just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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