I could make wine with my vomit
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize