All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
