remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
