Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
