dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
