I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize