His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
