It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Every concussion has its silver lining
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
