You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
