I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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