I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
