East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You can't special order awesome
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
