two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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