the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
