I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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