you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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