just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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