I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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