just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
