I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The air was thick with penises
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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