Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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