Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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