WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
