Screwed.edu
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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