My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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