Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
