your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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