Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
