Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
