At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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