Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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