i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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