Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
