did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
