I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
