I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
