when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
