we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Someone signed my nipple.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
