I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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