Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
