I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
