He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
