I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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