You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
