Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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