Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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