tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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