If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
