Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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