Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were destined to go to rehab together
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
