My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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