i permit you to call me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
