I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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