I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
