can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
