well you can't waste a boner
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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