This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
