shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
