i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
