I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
