Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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