I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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