Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
