Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
